"A friend of mine works at the hospital and she told me that at one point last night they were afraid they would have to put Snaily under a suicide watch. According to my friend he is REALLY depressed. He told her that he has lost most of his political connections at the city and that this new pace that the city is moving in makes him extremely dizzy and gives him migrane [sic] type headaches. She did say once they sedated him that he had a sluggish nite." [sic]
He had indeed lost a lot of his political connections over the years, but my source ("Deep Soil") from the hospital who shares with me under the condition of anonymity, assures me that Snaily is not suicidal.
"Deep Soil" said that Snaily is ready to move on to make way for more progress in Snellville. He's been feeling better since he was able to squeegee his way up to the edge of the toilet bowl. (He has such a cute accent, he calls it his "Ter-Lit"
While up at the edge, he's been visiting with representatives of independent and assisted living facilities. He has a few brochures, it just takes him a long time to read over them, because he has to slither up and down each line of text. It's really slow work.
So far, he's interested in returning to his old home under an azalea bush on Odum Street. However, Family Tree Garden Center looks really well maintained - but there's lots of growth and progress there that scares him.
Snaily has also considered moving Loganville, where people aren't allowed to drink on Sundays. He's afraid if he lives somewhere where people vote YES on Sunday sales of alcohol, somebody will drink a beer with a full meal on after spending money in local stores, then drive over him. He wants to live somewhere where his slime trails can be undisturbed.
"Deep Soil" says that the fear of having his shell squashed is indicative of Snaily's paranoid insecurity about his height. His wife Shelly says it's indicative of Snaily's paranoid insecurity over other parts of himself.
Well, we don't even want to think about that.
NEXT: Breaking News about Snaily >>>>
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