In a move that shocked some Snellville residents and humiliated others, a red potato has been named a Snellville historical artifact.
As many as 3 people came from as far as Loganville Ga to celebrate the red potato.
"If Darla Dixon can have a day named in her honor, then surely I can be declared a historical artifact," Snapped the red potato. "All I'm asking for is equal treatment."
"This is a great day in the city of Snellville," Mayor Jerry Oberholtzer said. "honoring red potatoes, and this red potato in particular, has been something we've needed to do for a long time. I really like potato salad, and it's smarter than Darla Dixon anyway."
Jamie Dempsey of Moosehead Marketing Solutions, considered the mastermind behind the "Snellville YES" campaign, which legalized the sale of alcoholic beverages in Snellville restaurants on Sundays, has quickly ramped up a marketing campaign to get red potato into the White House in 2012. Proudly Irish, Dempsey feels that a red potato definitely has a place in the presidency. "That potatoes are dumb is something that both Republicans and Democrats can agree on," Dempsey said. "Red potato could be a game-changer."
It's still unclear what part this potato had in Snellville's history. When asked if the red potato would become part of the Snellville Historical Society's permanent collection, Carolyne Kirkland politely gave a blank stare. When asked his opinion about the red potato being honored, "Peanut" Dalton said, "Get the hell outta my barbershop. Now."
Snellville's Economic Development Manager, Eric Van Otteren was blunt in his opinion. "We're trying to get the visioning plan for Snellville's Town Center development underway, and here you are bothering me about a potato. Sure, make it King, just leave me alone so I can get some work done!" Kelly McAloon of the Snellville Tourism and Trade Association (STAT) felt that "honoring this red potato will set the city of Snellville back 80 years."
Thanks to everyone who took the time to tell me how they felt about our newest historical artifact! Surely, visitors to our city will enjoy this potato for years to come.
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